Snubbed!

cant-keep-calm-im-being-ignored

I usually walk my dog, Mambo, on one of the trails near our house or at the beach, but today we strolled through Old Town San Juan Capistrano. It’s charming to walk through the shady parks, antique shops and quaint restaurants.

As we walked by Chico’s, Mambo tried to pull me in. I held him back, but he wouldn’t walk past the shop. Spoiled by boutiques in Laguna Beach that give him treats,  he was sure that someone here would produce a dog biscuit.

Despite the fact that no one paid attention to him, Mambo wouldn’t budge. At first I was annoyed, but then I eyed a bright teal jacket on a mannequin. It was SO me, and I had to check it out.

I tied Mambo up and walked into the store. The fashionably dressed middle-aged clerk looked at me, frowned and turned away. Seriously? I’d been standing outside of the shop for ten minutes and she’d graciously greeted the three other women who’d entered the store.

I’ll admit that I didn’t look my best. I was wearing frumpy dog-walking attire and after an hour of hiking in a moist fog, my hair was wet and matted against my head. Still, was I so off-putting not to be worthy of, “Can I help you?” I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

This is not the first time I’d been snubbed, nor was it worst, but it bothered me. And it made me think about appearance. How important are looks?

I know I’m not the only one who’s been treated this way, and I’d love to hear what’s happened to you. How have you been snubbed?

Image courtesy of www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk.

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About celestedimilla

Hey there. I’m Celeste, California girl, writer, psychotherapist and burgeoning plant-based foodie.
This entry was posted in Beauty & Fashion, Daily Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

76 Responses to Snubbed!

  1. Stacey says:

    I get snubbed when I start talking about animal rights! Seriously. It’s more than maddening, it’s sad.

  2. Shannon says:

    It’s been a long time since I got snubbed. My favorite is when my own tennis team will huddle around each other and visit while I sit on the outside, uninvited, unwanted. Fine by me! I always knew that whatever they were talking about didn’t appeal to me anyway. Plus, I have the better life. Poor them. 🙂

  3. Chicos and Macy are 2 big ones who are trained more for snubbing the people… And so many times I have not been greeted when others are…may be because I look different and am always casually dressed. I don’t go there!

  4. Ralph says:

    Not yet !! So poor Mambo didn’t get the teal jacket he so wanted 😉 xox

  5. Shannon says:

    I’m the queen of frump.

  6. At some point past age 45 I realized that I’d become the invisible woman. If I make an effort with meticulous makeup and clothing, people see me. Letting one little thing slip seems to draw a cloak of invisibility around me. I’ll bet you can find a lovely teal jacket elsewhere, Celeste. 🙂

    • I’m discovering that invisible woman thing too chica. What’s the dealio with that? I think I need to stop being so sensitive. Anywho, have a lovely weekend! Celeste 🙂

      • dropscone says:

        I’m only 38 but I feel like I’ve become invisible sometimes. We need to start a movement where all women over thirty enthusiastically greet each other everywhere we go to make up for it! 🙂

  7. Poppy says:

    Ugh! This made me so frustrated to read! You shouldn’t have to justify how you are dressed or how your hair looks. Isn’t there more important things wrong with the world?! Life’s too short to dress up pristine just to do the housework!!!!! It makes it so much worse when it’s women to women, shouldn’t we be empowering eachother?

    The worst time it happened to me was when Mat and I were viewing places to live to move from London to Sussex. The area we were moving to was (unbeknown to us) very posh and snobby and we regular people didn’t fit in. Anyway, after a 2 hour drive to view a house, I politely asked the estate agent if I could use their loo as we hadn’t been able to stop – with the look and response I got, you would have thought I’d asked to steal her husband. It still bugs me to this day because I just don’t understand why?!

    Anyway, I need to watch Pretty Woman now!! 🙂

    • Thanks for your support Poppy! And I SO understand what it’s like being in a posh and snobby area and feeling like you don’t belong. The area my husband and I live in is a mix of laid back surfers, super rich folks and a few regular people like my hubby and me. There are lots of times when I walk into a store, even a grocery store, and look around at the people and feel like they’re all super rich and that I just don’t fit in.

      I honestly don’t get what the deal was with your estate agent. That’s just strange. I’m sorry that you had to deal with that chica. I don’t get people sometimes.

      Oh, and Pretty Woman is a classic! I think you’ll like it – it’s light and fun. Have a great weekend! Celeste 🙂

      • Poppy says:

        It’s such a shame we have to feel that way in our own home areas or anywhere for that matter. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who gets the intimidation though!

        I watched Pretty Woman, it’s great! I just love Julia Roberts! 😀

  8. janecleanfourteen says:

    You were taking your poochie on a stroll! Anybody who gets gussied up for that is a goofball. You go on with your bad self!

  9. Mean girls don’t leave mean behind them when they grow up into women, I’ve discovered. It’s pretty hard to shake selfish, shallow and mean. What does it say about this woman that she snubbed/ignored/disrespected you? How insecure/shallow does one have to be to completely disregard another human being? She missed a sale, and she missed an opportunity to have a pleasant conversation with you. Who doesn’t need more pleasant conversations, right? You have a support system, a blog, a lovely dog, and you can find the teal jacket on-line, I’ll bet. She, on the other hand, maybe just has her small world and that must be a lonely place if it’s populated by people who have the look or who can pull off the mean girl squeal.

    • Thanks so much for your support Kelly! I suppose you’re right that some people never outgrow being selfish and mean. This is sad because not only do they spread negativity, but it’s obvious that they are unhappy people. I’ve moved on from this incident, but this woman, like you say, is still stuck in her lonely place. I hope that someday I’ll have the strength not to feel upset by such incidents and instead to feel compassion for the suffering of the person who snubbed me. I’m not there yet, but it’s something to strive toward! Celeste 🙂

  10. stacilys says:

    I can’t believe it. That does remind me too of that one scene in Pretty Woman. Speaking of which, I just finished watching Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. Hehehe. It was on TV. Anyhow, first of all, I am far from being fat. However, when I lived in Hong Kong I was a bit heavier than I am now. Plus I have a butt. People from Hong Kong don’t generally have much of a butt. Genetics I guess. Anyhow, I went into a store one day (while I was PMSing I think and feeling down about my body). The store attendant came up to me to help. I was looking at a pair of pants and she told me, “Those would be good for you because you have fat legs”. I felt horrible. I know it was probably just cultural, but please.
    Blessings =)

    • Oh boy, that would have irked me!!! She actually used the term, “fat”?” That’s always a faux pas. Like you say, she was probably used to people with very different body types shopping at her store. But still!!!! So sorry that happened to you chica!

      And I can relate because I used to be fat (thanks to my diet, I’m not anymore!). I’ve certainly got “fat” stories. Like the time a guy asked when I was due and even insisted that I was pregnant when I told him I wasn’t. Or the time my girlfriend bought me an extra large nightgown for a gift and told me, “It was the biggest one they had, but I’m not sure if it will fit you.” Come on people!

      Anywho, I hope you’re having a great weekend! Celeste 🙂

      • stacilys says:

        Oh my goodness. Wow, your friend said that!? Hmmm. I used to be a little heavier, but I definitely wasn’t classified as fat. I’m really fit now, but when I was in Hong Kong I had gained a bit of weight. I think it was a cultural thing too. Asian women are so petit and I have a butt. Whether a little heavier or not. My butt still remains. Good thing I live in Brazil. They love round butts (hehehe).
        Blessings=)

  11. Oh Celeste, that is so incredibly rude!!! And how dare they make any assumptions? And quite apart from it being rude and crazy, are your retailers getting so much business that they can afford to snub a sale??? Such behaviour always amazes me. When I had my business (personal shopping) I purposely didn’t take my clients to particular stores where the store assistants had been rude or were too busy looking down their noses at people, how dare they make anyone feel so bad? They’ll never get my business ever again. What you need to do now is source the coat elsewhere!!!

    • Thanks SO much for your support Elaine! I really don’t get that kind of behavior from retailers either. Even if they don’t think you’re going to buy anything, you’re still a human being. Why snub anyone? It’s silly. I’m over the incident, but I still don’t plan on shopping at that store. They lost my business! Celeste 🙂

  12. HeartBound says:

    I can’t believe anyone would snub you, that’s ridiculous! 🙂

  13. Even my mother liked Pretty Woman, I’m sure she didn’t realise what Julia Roberts was. Or maybe she liked the happy ending or had a crush on Richard Gere 😀

    I look terrible walking the dog. Not helped by the fact that Snowy’s puppy teeth have ripped a few holes, or made existing ones bigger in my leggings. And the top finish on my (synthetic) boots is wearing off, he’s currently pulling one of them (with my leg inside). But there again, I don’t go shopping dressed like that 😀 although people here in shops are pretty friendly. It’s customary for people in Gib and Spain to walk in and say Hola to the store staff. Depending on the shop (rather than your attire!) they may ask if they can help you.

    For some reason, I read teal as red! Teal would be very nice.

    • Sometimes I wonder how many of the women I see on the trails and at the beach can look so great when they’re out exercising. I suppose they spend money on expensive workout gear and I think many of them even wear makeup. That’s not me – oh well! And I hear you about the holes from puppy teeth, boy do I remember those days. Puppies are destructive, but they’re too cute to get angry with. Anyway, thanks so much for your thoughts – I really appreciate it!!! Celeste 🙂

  14. Mike Lince says:

    Wow, I cannot picture you getting the snub. Is this an Orange County thing? I would never expect such a thing in the more Bohemian environs of say Portland, OR, or Seattle. Who would risk losing future business by being so hoity-toity? Look how many people here on your blog would shun Chico’s based on your story!

    I am reminded of the line from Douglas Adam’s ‘Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy”: “Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news.”

    I hope you find a teal jacket of equal quality at a better price. It would look good on you! 🙂 – Mike

    • Thanks for your support Mike! I don’t think it’s just an Orange County thing because I’ve been snubbed at other stores as well. It does seem to happen more at upper end stores. I don’t really like shopping at upper end stores, and maybe this shows and that’s part of the reason I get snubbed. Who knows! All I can say is that I feel blessed to have so many wonderful blogging buddies who give me support and encouragement when something like this happens. I’m one fortunate chica!

      I hope all is well with you and Florence, by the way. I think about you guys often. Paul and I ate at Café Gratitude yesterday and were thinking of you guys while we were there. The food is SO good there! Maybe we’ll all get to go there together one day. Celeste 🙂

  15. the vegan style revivalist says:

    It seems she was inconvenienced by having you, dressed in ‘doggie attire’, in the store. This would have gotten my back up enough to relax, greet her with a disarming smile and asked for the jacket in my size. My point – inconvenience her!

  16. Penniless Veggie says:

    Not quite ‘snubbed’ more the opposite, mildly harassed for not looking like a ‘desirable’ kind of visitor. It was a cold muddy day and I was wearing an old faded green army surplus jacket and some warn hiking boots – the best things I happened to have for the conditions. We decided to visit one of those large charity funded gardens that are open to the public. I walked into the visitor building that housed their tea room and nick-nack shop and had a browse around. A rather officious little woman approached me and asked if I needed any help. I said no thank you, quite pleasantly and moved off to look at something else. She pursued me and asked me again if I needed any help. A bit puzzled at her eagerness I said no thank you again. Then I wandered over to look at the menu for the tea room. At which point she asked me AGAIN if I needed any help, she sounded mildly aggressive. By this time it was irritating, and I said “No, no thank you, I’m FINE!” at that point we left. It was only afterwards that it dawned on me that she must have been bothered by my worn apparel and she probably thought I was going to steal something, or maybe put off the posh visitors that she approved of (the visitors we spoke to in the gardens were quite posh). I’d not really experienced that kind of petty snobbish prejudice before, so it took a while to dawn on me what was happening, and it angered me afterwards. Not so much for myself, but the recognition that many people experience that kind of hostile ‘attention’ all the time simply because of the way they look.

    • Oh wow – what a story! That would have bothered me too. In fact I had a similar experience some years ago that really, really bothered me. Like you say, it makes you wonder about the hostile attention some people, like homeless people, get all the time. When I lived in Ventura, California, there were a lot of homeless people who wandered the downtown streets. I remember one time watching a priest at the Ventura Mission (it’s an active church in addition to being a historic mission) yelling at a homeless person to get off the church property. I found this disconcerting. I mean, aren’t churches supposed to be kind to everyone and help all who come their way out? Granted, I don’t know if there was a story behind why the guy was being told to leave, but I assumed that it was just because he was an unsightly presence on the beautifully manicured grounds.

      Thanks so much for sharing – I appreciate it!! Celeste 🙂

  17. I’m with Ralph, I don’t recall having been snubbed, or maybe I’m just too boneheaded to have released it—yep, that’s probably it. But had I picked up on it, I would have seen it for what it is: an indicator of their shallow and superficial character. I believe I’d be amused.

    • What is it about you guys???? In any case, I love how you’d be amused by being treated in such a way. You’ve got a great attitude and can teach me a few things about life. I hope if something like this happens to me again that I handle it with such grace. Thanks so much for your comment – I appreciate it! Celeste 🙂

  18. reocochran says:

    How anyone could ignore precious dogs is a wonder! I love to watch dogs, their cheerful tail wagging and they are ‘game’ for anything! They make us happy just be being around them. It is a known fact that in nursing homes with cats and dogs, this makes people remember more and feel comforted and calmer, too! Great post and I am sorry that you were snubbed by that snobby set of clerks! Do you remember in “Pretty Woman” Julia Roberts ends up winning over people who wanted to snub her. I have been hurt, wrote about a rude woman who did not like my friendly comment to her. I have been saddened by others but as I get older, I ignore them more! Smiles, Robin

    • I certainly can’t ignore a dog – that’s for sure!!! I’ve actually thought about training Mambo to be a therapy dog, but I think he’s too hyper at the moment. Maybe when he gets older and calms down a bit. And thanks so much for your support about my incident – I’m feeling okay about it now. Sorry about your incident too. I think it’s great that you have learned to ignore rude people. That’s wisdom! When someone treats me badly, I try to remember that they wouldn’t treat me this way if they were happy and to have compassion for them. I’m not always successful with this, but I’ll keep working at it. Thanks for reading Robin – I appreciate you chica! Celeste 🙂

      • reocochran says:

        I am glad that you have compassion, Celeste. This is a good quality and I can see this in your writing, too! We all are allowed to feel hurt and mention it, I like that you also see them in their true selves. They have had their own problems. But, in this case, it was kind of snobby! Oh well, we will move onto the next conversation… and post! Smiles, Robin

  19. Gallivanta says:

    Remember the infamous Oprah snub http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/world-news/swiss-sorry-after-oprah-winfrey-snubbed-in-shop-racism-row-29487635.html I think I would be writing a letter of complaint to the management, urging them to make a better job of training their staff. Point out that you are a blogger with many friends! If the shop management is sensible they will be all over themselves to give you a huge discount on the jacket and a complimentary coffee as well 🙂

  20. Sophie33 says:

    A great post, dear Celeste! x

  21. May says:

    It’s not exactly the same, but a few years ago I was sitting on a bench in London with my friend, having lunch, and two model scouts for American Apparel came by. They honed in on my (very beautiful) friend and starting talking to her, without even looking at or saying hello to me. She was invited on the spot to an interview and I went with her, but they wouldn’t even let me in the building so I had to sit on the stairs outside for over an hour waiting while they took photos of her, filmed her, filled out paperwork etc. To be honest I was a little hurt she didn’t say “no, I’m with my friend and we’re busy” but she hadn’t anticipated it taking so long. The irony is that she was due to shave her head for charity the following week, and couldn’t have taken the job anyway – we’d both forgotten til we were reading the contract they make you sign and promise not to change your image in any way without their permission (not even nail varnish).
    I have never felt so ugly in my life. I don’t even want to be a “model” (read shop assistant) for American Apparel, but they made me feel invisible.

    • What a heart-wrenching story May!!! I can’t imagine how awful must have felt. It sounds like the model scouts were exceptionally rude. I can’t believe they wouldn’t even let you into the building – come on people!! And not only did the model scouts treat you like you weren’t even there, but your friend went with them despite the fact that you guys were hanging out together. That’s rough!

      I don’t know if you’ve ever watched the show, “New Girl”, but there is an episode with a similar scene in this show. The main character, Jess (Zooey Deschanel) and her best friend are maybe 13 when a model scout “discovers” Jess’s best friend and completely ignores Jess. I wonder how often this scene gets played out in real life and the kind of scars it leaves behind.

      Thanks SO much for sharing your story chica!! I appreciate it! Celeste 🙂

  22. Hmmm interesting. That sounds outrageous! How crazy!

  23. sophiazerg says:

    First thing that came to mind was the Pretty Woman scene! Urgh, so rude! Don’t let these snobs get you down. I can’t really recall a specific scenario where this happened to me, but I’m sure it has!

  24. Timely post. Yesterday I went to Petco to take the puppies to the shot clinic. I walked over to the vet t ask him some questions since technically their rabies shots were good for another month. I wanted to know if it was ok to give them the shots one month early. Well he was so rude to me telling me I had to talk to another guy first before I talked to him. Seriously?!! He could have been nicer. If it wasn’t for the fact that the pups were in the car I would have gone elsewhere. And how was I dressed? Well, baggy jeans, sneakers, long sleeve t-shirt, flannel shirt, grey sweater vest thing, and a knit cap and no make-up. But so what!!!! I was in Petco and I had my two dogs with me.

    • OMG Ivonne, that really is rude! I guess the vet thought he was too educated to be answering basic questions that customers have. That’s just inconsiderate! Does he want your business or not????

      It reminds me of a professor I had in graduate school had a daughter with cancer. When my professor got to the cancer clinic she asked the first person she ran into, that happened to be a doctor, where the bathroom was. The doctor told her that he didn’t have the time to answer questions like that and told her to ask someone else. He was nasty about it too. My professor was really upset by this and didn’t feel that this guy was going to be a positive influence on her daughter’s recovery. My professor was also a very strong woman and she made a big stink about it and got the guy fired. I thought this was extreme too, but she said that it was important to her that her daughter have only positive influences so that she could get well. When she put it like this I understood why she did it. Celeste 🙂

  25. What a shallow world we are living in! I can’t get over that fact. Since I usually look sporty and relaxed, I tend to pass the boutiques and places where I feel I would be judged by my appearance. Having clean and ironed clothes is one thing, but looking too dressed up is not my thing! 🙂

    • I’m with you!! I tend to avoid boutiques like that most of the time too. And now I have even more reason to just walk by and keep my money in my wallet. Thanks so much for reading and for your comment – I appreciate it! Celeste 🙂

  26. I don’t think I’ve ever been snubbed … or at least I don’t notice as I’m usually the one avoiding human contact with others. Or I’m making jokes because I feel really awkward talking to strangers.

    However, I think it’s ridiculous when people snub others just based on looks! Not everyone is on 100% of the time! We do live in a shallow world though. I had to learn that hard lesson as a little girl where I regularly got teased for my glasses. I just owned it and was like, “Whatever, I’ll be Einstein one day.”

    • You must have been one confident little girl to own wearing your glasses!! It makes all the difference when you can do that. My husband is on the short side, and he got teased about it when he was young and this really bothered him. As he got older, however; he was able to own it and have fun with it. To be honest, the fact that he was so comfortable with himself is one of the reasons I was attracted to him. We are a sight to look at, however. I’m tall and he’s short and when I’m wearing heels we really stick out! Have a lovely week chica! Celeste 🙂

  27. diahannreyes says:

    Sounds like bad manners on her part– and is in, it’s not, it’s her! Makes me think of Oprah in Sweden getting snubbed…

  28. Michael Lane says:

    I’ve not been so overtly snubbed, but I’ve definitely felt that freeze-out before. High up on the rudeness scale, that is.

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